work

I started in April to move toward work again.  In thought.  Shaped my request to the Universe:  when I’m ready, about 10 hours a week at a certain pay rate, knowing that 10 hours would be punishing, but possible.

A few weeks ago I got a call for a short-term temp gig this week.  I’ve worked with the client on the same project beginning about two months before the hospital mess.  The caller wondered–would I be interested in more temp gigs?  Yes, with the understanding that I’m recovering from long-term illness and unable to work 8-hour days.   About 3 to 4 hours a day?  Yes.

On Tuesday when I got home after 3-1/2 hours at work, I sobbed the brain-fatigue out of me.  Then, spent 6 hours lying down reading (=resting).  Was able to make lunch.

Yesterday when I got home after 3 hours at work, was doing better–no sobbing until Big Mister rightly asked me to do something.  Then, my response was like being poked at with a sharp stick, the end anointed with poison.  My head throbs with fatigue, my eyes blink too slowly.  I want to lie down and just stop.

Just over a year ago, four months out of hospital, I wrote about my bubble theory of recuperation, back when thinking was a full-time exercise, often in futility.  It’s still there, my bubble that indicates when I’ve surpassed my tolerance of stimulation, of being alive to the world.

The fatigue smothers and terrifies.  Smother now, terrify later:  an advert I recommend you don’t respond to.  The terrify part is wondering what will happen to me in a few days, knowing how tired I am now, how foggy and far away.  The crashes are painful to the point of considering giving up, ceding responsibility for my life and my part in anyone else’s life.  To feel calm, to dab at paint, pet the cats.

Ceding won’t make things better.  Life would become harder, which is not that difficult to imagine.  I know in my guts what “hard” means.  Often I wonder why I’m not daily vomiting up the anguish.

I need to summon courage as I go back for another 3-hour block this morning.  I need to tell the client that I’m done for the week, that I get tired very easily and it’s time for a break until next week.  Behind those statements is fear:  fear that I’ll miss this chance to return to the working world where I earn money in order to keep our house.

One more request for the Universe:  please help me present myself coherently, cogently, and confidently.  Don’t let ’em see me sweat.

But strangely enough, when I can become still, I also find the voice of my faith that everything will come in the right order, that I’ll be presented with and take the correct steps to continue moving forward to the less-foggy.  I may teeter on the edge of a crash, but maybe it won’t happen.  I won’t know if I don’t try.

making room for what you want

Many hundreds of lifetimes ago, a friend sent me a clipping from a newspaper.  I may have it still, in the stacks of detritus I had to save (for some reason!), but I dunno where.

The author used the metaphor of a red sweater.  The title and content approximate this:

Make Room in Your Life for What You Want

She had a perfectly serviceable red sweater in her closet, but didn’t wear it very often because it made her butt look big. Or something.  She didn’t feel good when she wore it.

So, when she saw the most beautiful red sweater in a shop window, she didn’t buy it because she already had a red sweater and didn’t have the money to be buying yet another one.

She figured out that if she’d give away her own red sweater that made her feel crummy, she could have the new, shiny red sweater that made her feel great.

True.

Make room in your life for what you want.  Draw lines and boundaries and mean it.  It’s OK to like what you like and to want what you want.   Otherwise, you’re living someone else’s life, and really, that doesn’t work.   Life can be cut short in an instant and gee-whillikers, wouldn’t it be cool to have fun NOW?!

What’s one thing that just popped into your head?  Why not head for it and see what happens?  It’s OK if it’s a person that isn’t fitting….

PS.  Don’t be daunted by the price you’ll pay–there has to be a trade-off.  Loss for gain.  Et damn cetera.  Just hang on through the change; it can be cold without the shelter of a familiar sweater, but doesn’t have to be scary.

the Weather Service KNOWS…

I’m a weather-freak, the stormier the better.  When it’s calm, I’m not.  Go figure.  I ain’t gonna.

This morning got my day going perfectly:

take heed, Earthlings!

another book: The Secret Life of Water

Partway through one book, I posted a snippet about it.  Still haven’t finished the book, but it’s pretty good that the guts of the book got my attention.   Bruce Lipton’s supposition that the environment plays an often-discounted role in cellular and multi-cellular (human) life reminded me of another book.

This other book, The Secret Life of Water, by Masaru Emoto, demonstrates through fabulous photography the effects on water by thoughts.  Yeah, yeah, I know, it’s all woo-woo ‘n’ stuff.  Just read some of it and look at the purty pictures.  Your library should have it and I see that Amazon has it for 14 cents, plus shipping!

The publisher’s description:

Masaru Emoto‘s research has visually captured the structure of water at the moment of freezing, and through high-speed photography he has shown the direct consequences of destructive thoughts and the thoughts of love and appreciation of the formation of water crystals. The revelation that our thoughts can influence water has profound implications for our health and the well-being of the planet.

The art of the photos is worth the 14 cents (plus shipping).  But the implications are enormous.

Besides, why couldn’t it be true?  What would be so horrible about being connected at so basal a level?  Couldn’t it be grand?  What is there to fear?  Does it matter if Official Agencies have or have not tested the hypothesis to death?  Isn’t it enough to wonder about our world as seen through other eyes?

Tuesday is better

I have 15 lb of floooofy cat sitting on me, I’m drinking a cup of coffee (which I missed yesterday), and the sun is shining in the window.

Feeling better today.  I guess I forgot that I could get regular sick!

Your concern and good wishes carried me through a scary day.  I realized this morning that my fear was the first powerful somatic remembering of that awful day in February that profoundly changed my sense of me.

Maybe now that that is outta my system, the remembering, I can have another cup of coffee and look around for breakfast.  Or feel feisty.  Or post about another book.  Maybe all of ’em!

Can you believe that… or not?

JustI has a little something for all of us again! Go see! And DO!

JustUs Society

My Rockin’ the Purple friend has me thinking again. Lahgitana  has a way with words and expresses a depth of thinking that challenges me, even as she writes of her self-described fog of recovery from a life changing event which occurred this past February. To catch up, read about it here: 112.8 – recollections and here: Recuperation: bubble theory.

In response to her thought provoking posts, I’ve found two videos (from TED) that I hope will challenge her (and you, dear reader) to think about how you think!

Two questions, I would like to pose, before you view the videos:

  1.  Can we believe what we see?
  2.  Can we believe (or have faith) in that which we can’t see?

I’ve included the partial bios preceding each of the speakers, including links to their homepages.

Michael Shermer debunks myths, superstitions and urban legends, and explains why we believe them…

View original post 262 more words

Happy Solstice, Earthlings!

The quality of daylight starts changing as of right-now-ish.  When I lived in Alaska, I gave Solstice parties, but I was the only one mourning the return of the light.  Don’t know why, but the dark is where I thrive.  All my friends toasted the coming light….

Happy Solstice, All You Earthlings!  And, OK, you too, you lurking beings from off-planet, you cut-ups who turn my jammies inside-out in the middle of the night, who zapped my brain, and who love rock ‘n’ roll.  There’s one thing we did right, huh, rock ‘n’ roll?  I know it’s not enough right for you to want to colonize our planet.  We’ve wrecked Earth all to hell, so no, no, no no colonizing!  (I’ve seen the movies; I know how it works!)

Oh, and isn’t the word put together beautifully by those early French (based on Latin roots)!  (You may sense my linguistics minor in school!)

solstice Look up solstice at Dictionary.com
mid-13c., from O.Fr. solstice, from L. solstitium “point at which the sun seems to stand still,” from sol “sun” (see sol) + pp. stem of sistere “to come to a stop, make stand still” (see assist).
 
(Citation:  The Sciolist, and what an interesting intro page!  I may have to go back and see what else he’s talking about.  Anyone who puts together an etymology dictionary is a good kind of oddball!)
© No Stealing!  That’s what the little c in the circle means!
© lahgitana and Rockin’ the Purple, 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to lahgitana and Rockin’ the Purple with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Saturday Sharesday

Note from the Editor who has a better memory than the writer:  the inspiration for this idea came from reading Kathy’s post, Blogging: The Christmas Gift that Keeps on Giving.   _________Back to our program…… ________

Lots of those blogging awards out there, huh?  “Award” may be not the best noun to use, but at the moment I don’t have a good suggestion.  Something along the lines of a Progressive Supper, where we move from house to house snacking on good food and getting to take away leftovers to enjoy later!

The point of the awards seems to me to be to pass the word about blogs discovered.  (It may also be about advertising WordPress, but I’m a little older and cynical now.  Don’t you wonder why they give this capability for free?  Ah, digression.)  Perhaps we could keep the intent and try:

Saturday Sharesday!

Wherein we bloggers who love to share our discoveries take a moment on a Saturday (or whenever–the days were named a long time ago and the gods maybe won’t mess with us too much if we post on Thor’s Day instead of Saturn’s Day!   And here’s a shocker:  not everyone in the world has the same names for the days!).  I digress.  As usual.

Just link to a blog you’ve discovered–no other requirements.  Do several or 1 or 100!  (It doesn’t have to be a WordPress blog!  Gasp!)

Or, share a funny cartoon!  (Which is my favorite, I confess!)

Or, just make a note of the many places your discovered bloggers live:  international enlightenment.

Or, change your blog’s language to a different language and see what happens!   I’m trying to imagine the hilarious translations!

Think of it this way:   circulating good writing and pictures is good for the world.   And it’s a mighty small world and it needs continued help.

I’ll start (and may be the only one, but heck I’m used to dancing by myself!).  They live in the US, Republic of Ireland, and Canada!

Tranquil Space Designs:  cards with personality, some with painful, funny puns!

Dummy Zero’s Blogpad:  Dedicated to the Flash of Original Genius from Creative Thinkers, Entrepreneurs, Inventors, and Tinkerers.   Time to hear the truth about the For Dummies book concept.

That Is Priceless:  Art’s Greatest Masterpieces, Made Slightly Funnier

© No Stealing!  That’s what the little c in the circle means!
© lahgitana and Rockin’ the Purple, 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to lahgitana and Rockin’ the Purple with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Contest: Name the revamped Very Large Array telescope

 

This is the giant radio telescope array in the New Mexico desert.  You may have seen it in Hollywood productions such as “Contact” and “Independence Day.”  Apparently, the whole system has had a remarkable upgrade and the radio-heads think it might be fun to rename it.  And we get to help!

Very Large Array.  To the point, huh?

Please don’t name it Verizon Telescope or Samsung Radioscope or Radio Shack Scope.   I couldn’t take it, really:  another large public entity branded with some $$$-corporate logo.

But have fun!  Read the BBC article and the comments below the article.

(I’m probably the only weirdsmobile who thinks this is fun!?)

A little background:  http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-15307169

The site where you may submit your creative moniker:  Name the Array.

P.S. Thanks again, Universe!

Somewhere I made a note about having a wall of bookcases in the living room.  Have shopped around a fair bit since we want wood, please no more pressboard, we were going to have to wait (=$$) for said wooden bookcases.

Except…  there propped up against the wall of the old Weyerhaueser home (=estate), was a wall-sized wooden bookcase with a FREE sign on it.

I am priming it now.  >:-D

Thank you.

2 Sept update:  hahahahahaha! just before the Big Mister fell asleep, he asked if the bookcase would fit through the front door!!
No!! hahahahahahhahaa!

© No Stealing!  That’s what the little c in the circle means!
© lahgitana and Rockin’ the Purple, 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to lahgitana and Rockin’ the Purple with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Optimism, the Universe, and Everything

I loved the post in Dear Optimists this morning.  I hope you discover those secreted-away dinosaurs and unicorns and send pics of them in your front yard!

About 10 years ago, my husband and I were broke, well actually minus-broke.  In fits of optimism and living in la-la-land for a few minutes, we would scribble our hopes on a 3″ by 3″ scrap sheet.  Lots of thumb tack holes in that little sheet.

Today, there is one audacious wish left on that original scrap:  a small villa on the northern edges of the Ligurian Sea (Italy).

Those other items were:

  • a GoldWing motorcycle and vintage Ural sidecar
  • a 2006 Scion <car>
  • lahgitana get a good job
  • pay off a rather daunting debt
  • buy a 2-bedroom house in a particular neighborhood
  • can’t remember, but it doesn’t mean I am ungrateful.  Thank you again and still, Universe.

Most of that list required money, which was not exactly streaming in, more like rushing by.  Then, the strangest things began to happen:  my husband found a sidecar on craigslist not too long after he had found a GoldWing motorcycle to fix up.  We bought that brand-new toaster Scion, I got a job, paid off that icky debt, and then bought that 2-bedroom house in that neighborhood.

After all that, we unearthed that tattered scrap somewhere in the packed-up detritus and were amazed, thankful, and amused!

Intentions count. Gratitude counts.

Thank you, Universe.  I wouldn’t be here without you.

© No Stealing!  That’s what the little c in the circle means!
© lahgitana and Rockin’ the Purple, 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to lahgitana and Rockin’ the Purple with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

School of The Universe

There I’ve been feeling all alone thinking about making another large life change.  In the last 18 months, what number large change is this?  Five, Six?  I’ve lost track.  Truly, it ain’t easy finding flexibility in my soul when the rug is yanked out from under me.  It’s a bad-ass balancing act.  It makes me tired and numb.

This time around, I was thinking about leaving school, where I’ve been in “worker retraining” for the last year.  What that expression means is that I was a worker, then my job type was booted out of the workforce along with me, and then presented with an alternative to long-term look-for-invisible-work unemployment– get into a “retraining” program.  It’s a generous part of the system that was developed in the 80s after the fisheries and lumber industries crashed.  Those folks watched their jobs evaporate, and some brave souls lobbied for the opportunity that I now enjoy–being in full-time training while collecting unemployment.

(I’m no flag-waver, but I have lived,  traveled, and worked outside this country–this IS a great country with fabulous people and opportunities.)

Lemmee tell ya, at 54, this is no picnic.  For a lot of reasons.   ‘Nuther time for those.

The point of this story is that the unemployment folks and I hit a glitch where they didn’t see a form I had sent in, so they booted me out of the program.  This Monday.

Today, I needed to be with my peeps at my former employer’s for a different reason–see later post–and I came away energized from all those encounters.  This business was hit exceedingly hard–it has gone from 160 employees to about 80.  Just now they are starting to hire a little…. bubbling in the right direction.  Also, something else that happened as I wandered the halls visiting with so many wonderful people who were my colleagues, I heard several stories that folks had been asking if I could come back to cover for my colleague while she takes vacation days (she and I were the department of document reviewers).  The answer from the manager was always the same, that “she has moved on and won’t be back.”   Today, there I was, hearing those snippets of recalled conversation from last week.

So here’s the timeline:

  • Last week I got serious about thinking about finding a job instead of being in school.    (Just thinking about it; I didn’t actually  do anything!)
  • Last week made that stooooopid 80-mile round-trip drive to Big City to get my landscape design drawings and they weren’t even there.  Turns out the instructor found them where they had fallen behind a stand of some sort at his house.
  • Midweek last week I got a call from the unemployment folks who needed me to submit some info, which I did within an hour of the call.
  • Also last midweek, my wonderful Big Mister and I went to a local taco wagon where I spilled my heretofore private worries about school/work/relative broke-ness/my age.  (His response was what I needed to hear and really why I fell in love with him 13 years ago–he was sorry that I’d spent time worrying about all this, especially alone, because he has found that worry doesn’t help and that he has always gotten what he’s needed when he needed it. )
  • Monday, the unemployment people sent me the You’re Booted letter.  (Yes, but I did what you asked!?)
  • Wednesday, I told the folks where I’m finishing a fabulous internship that I wouldn’t be returning to school and would be looking for work instead.  Keep us in mind, says the manager.
  • Today, Thursday, at my former workplace, I told everyone who asked me how school was going–see how wonderful they are?  I’ve been away for 1-1/2 years and they still remember what I’m doing.  I got to tell them about going back into the job market….
  • I saw my former manager and she related those stories, about how she had to tell people that I had moved on.  By the time I was leaving the office, I had been asked if I’d like to work in about a month’s time.

Silly me, I wasn’t alone in those agonies.  ‘Member what I said about co-ink-i-dinks?  That I am not amazed so much as accepting?   This time I’m amused at myself.

Doink, doink, doink, that’s the sound of my head being hit with the butterflies of interconnectedness.  OK, OK, I’ll stop struggling.

And, thanks for the help, Universe.  I needed that.

©  No Stealing!  That’s what the little c in the circle means!
© lahgitana and Rockin’ the Purple, 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to lahgitana and Rockin’ the Purple with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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