These late May days are better in character than days were just a couple of months ago: much less weird-a&& anxiety, more calm response to life, rather than the blinding brain-meltdowns of the recent past. Recognition, learning, adapting. Continuing stubborn. Continuing to push the limits and just try.
I have spent about 5 hours reading around a blog I found through a WP Reader search for “brain fog.” Broken Brain – Brilliant Mind, is one person’s catalog and commentary about his own several (!) brain injuries. (The author writes anonymously, so I am choosing the gender.)
He chronicles his own brain-specific moments through blogging, but he has also organized a library of sorts. Hence, the 5 hours of reading. Followed by exhausted resting in the afternoons.
My last injured 15 months have been chronicled here, not intentionally as blog fodder, but out of need to make some sense of me through the art of writing. For which I am deeply grateful now that I’ve discovered the battering my short-term memory took.
I began this blog because I simply had to write. I still want this blog to be about giving an account of myself in discovering the world. I am more than the walking wounded, but I do not do as much as I did back at the start of the blog in July 2011, so have fewer topics to wander around in. I don’t want this blog to devolve into solely a traipse through a brain injury; although it will include those meanders, how much I don’t know right now.
It is apparently my time to discover and implement resources for healing, and especially, adapting. One discovery in this online reading has been the documented phenomenon of cognitive fatigue.
Another is an entire book dedicated to “self-therapy” for brain injury, a thorough discussion of brain injury with the goal of creating one’s own healing process because we are the only ones who can know how things are working internally.
(Though, I am somewhat amused to be wanting to edit the book’s structure to make it more brain-friendly. Hint: paragraph breaks give us a chance to breathe and absorb! Or: my, that’s a lot of solid blocks of text there when your audience may have difficulty following!)
Those two finds alone validate my many months of solo journeying back from the brink and discovering a scrambled brain, where before illness was a very powerful, cognitively adept brain, able to learn just about anything (except calculus).
I’m tired out now from reading so much about brain injury. Can I have a rueful laugh from the audience, please?
The answer to my blog post title is that my blogging and my life must be full of variety, so that is my goal. I don’t yet have the how, but I will have faith that I will keep making the right choices in order to discover the steps back to a fuller life.