swim 10 minutes three times a week

That wasn’t it and I crashed.

This is so frustrating:  predicting what is too much.   It doesn’t work this way, the way that would be quite helpful, thankyouveryflippinmuch:  somehow being able to measure energy available, like having a gasoline gauge glued to my forehead.

It’s like this:  one unit of laundry, two units of art, one unit of driving to the library, one unit of swimming, 5 units of sitting.  Now, how long is a unit?  I don’t know, but it’s so short that I’ve never done so little before.

How many units of what kind in a day?  All depends on the moving target.  I still get slammed against the wall of out-of-gas-and-on-my-way-down.

swimming and sailing 1965 and 1970.
The red patch from the Canada Yachting Association used to have a white fabric star in the first box.

Swimming has always been a joy–I even have the little buttons I earned in the 1960s to prove my proficiency.  Should have had a bunch of buttons to celebrate the silly grins from being in, on, or under the water.  I even love the Zen of swimming laps!

 with the Kona turtle and Humuhumunukunukuapua'a

hangin’ out on the bottom of the ocean with the Kona turtle and Humuhumunukunukuapua’a

Learning to dive in Hawaii (visiting from Alaska–mama ain’t no fool!) and having the dive instructor give me the stink eye underwater because I never wanted to surface.

He used to call me a gorilla/guerrilla diver–I don’t think I ever asked him which word he thought of when he’d watch me down there, cruising along in hog heaven, arms relaxed and moving quietly behind me in my self-made current.

Swimming has given me pause only that one time in frigid Lake Ontario after I helped to tow the instructional sailboat off the beach for our return to Toronto Bay.  Couldn’t get my 13-year-old self up the side of the boat.  Drowning was a definite possibility–but I did get help and survived.  <:-D

knock Bozo down and he bounces back!

knock Bozo down and he bounces back!

Now I try again, because that’s how I am:  I feel like that blow-up Bozo doll–you can slug him in the chops, punch him in the gut, or kick him in the nose.  He stands right up again with that silly grin.

True, sometimes he over-corrects and it’s a bit of an eye-opening ride on the return!  (He’s the only clown who has never given me the willies, too.  Please don’t tell me anything bad about the actor(s) who played him on the TV show.)

Now I’m trying 5 minutes of lap swim, which in my weakened state is only 4 or 5 lengths.  Then into the bubbly hot pool to stretch, so at least I’m in the pool longer than it took to drive there.  Maybe I’ll try twice a week and see what happens.

The crashes are so painful that enduring the addled brain-fog that shows itself in melty tears takes more courage than I think I have.

I face my vulnerability–an unlovely sight–and wobble forward again.

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24 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Pix Under the Oaks
    Apr 30, 2013 @ 14:53:04

    I dunno L, you seem plenty courageous to me! Love the picture. Wobbling forward is progress right?

    Reply

    • lahgitana
      Apr 30, 2013 @ 15:43:04

      yes, progress doesn’t have to be a straight line, huh? thanks, Pix, for being here with me…

      Reply

      • Pix Under the Oaks
        May 01, 2013 @ 05:53:07

        Hey, you are helping me too!

        Reply

        • lahgitana
          May 01, 2013 @ 06:09:38

          Helping you, too? In that we’re all in this together?! I hope that means that I am a friend in return, Pix.

          Good morning!

          Reply

          • Pix Under the Oaks
            May 01, 2013 @ 07:00:36

            Absolutely that you are a friend in return and we are all in this together Laurel. I read about your struggles and see some of them as my struggles. And then literally some of the issues you are dealing with are issues I deal with in regard to depression and anxiety. I read your words L and learn. I read your words when you are funny and my heart and life seem lighter. Yesterday’s reference to Bozo, I feel like him a whole lot. But I don’t always bounce back up fast enough. Sometimes I stay down deflated for too long. I went to an acupuncturist yesterday for anxiety and depression and CH saw her for his essential tremor. Fingers crossed she helps us both. I am wishing for isobel’s magic wand to help us three.. :)

            Good Morning to YOU!.. :)

            Reply

        • lahgitana
          May 01, 2013 @ 07:34:06

          I hope the acupuncturist helps, Pix. I’ve had great results my own self.

          Life is brutal, but we get to at least do it together. Isolation is a killer….

          That Bozo bouncy dude makes me laugh even though it means I’m getting punched around!

          Reply

          • Pix Under the Oaks
            May 01, 2013 @ 07:47:28

            You know Laurel I remember when life wasn’t brutal. When life was good. I mean it still is good. I see the good and I am lucky to have a good life. We have enough food, we pay our bills and we laugh most every day but I can’t always enjoy the good. Do we just reach an age when life becomes brutal or what the dang heck?????? It is never good when I start to wonder. I need to get cleaned up cause guess what? The ding dang flippin’ air conditioner crapped out yesterday and the fix it man is coming. Have a non-Bozo day today Laurel, only smooth sailing.. :)

            Reply

        • lahgitana
          May 01, 2013 @ 07:58:20

          It took me years to realize how brutal life can be. I do think there’s plenty of good, however. I’m rather worn down right now by the constant brutal…. I also believe that the tough stuff does wear us down, making it harder to rise to the fun stuff. Change, I suppose.

          Oh of course–the dreaded Appliance Crapping Out. <:-D Hope the fix it guy is fast. Your temps will be rising any time now–well, once spring arrives! We had frost last night, ourselves!

          Happy nonBozo day to you too, Pix.

          Reply

  2. Pamela Goode
    Apr 30, 2013 @ 15:36:12

    You have so much strength. You get out there and DO. I know it doesn’t feel that way, but I am awed by your tenacity, Bobo.

    Reply

    • lahgitana
      Apr 30, 2013 @ 15:45:18

      Where on earth does strength come from in a time like this?! Thanks so much for being here, Pamela. I haven’t seen your posts in some time–hope all is well. Love the new photo!

      Reply

  3. Dianda
    May 01, 2013 @ 05:02:04

    Just take it easy!

    Reply

  4. ~ Ivy ~ (@ivyft)
    May 02, 2013 @ 06:33:13

    I say just keep wobbling forward… Yes, progress is not necesarily a straight line. I think you’re doing a very good job!

    Reply

    • lahgitana
      May 02, 2013 @ 06:36:49

      Hi Ivy! So nice to see you!

      I’m beginning to see that wobbling forward is just about as unconscious an action as breathing…. (except at those very horrible moments when it becomes conscious, determined decision…) I thought I always knew that!

      Reply

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