brought to my knees

Complications appear in this long recovery and I slump to my knees, head bowed by grief’s weight, breath in ragged gasps, tears in icy rivers down a face now molded into the postures of lost grief.

To give in and float away at last.  To be done.   To sleep, perchance to dream…  what dreams may come… ?

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22 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. sweetdaysundertheoaks
    Dec 05, 2012 @ 10:54:23

    I have wondered. You have been quiet. I didn’t want to pry. You seem totally overwhelmed from what you type. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know where you are.

    Reply

  2. neowatercolour
    Dec 05, 2012 @ 12:03:50

    Hopefully good dreams, L, restful, recuperative, regenerative ones. Ones that soothe your soul. Wishing you all the very best…….x

    Reply

  3. Jude
    Dec 05, 2012 @ 12:04:06

    Can you tell us what’s happening Laurie? Thinking of you and sending the very biggest hugs. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    Reply

    • lahgitana
      Dec 05, 2012 @ 13:33:07

      Jude–I know I need to say something more here…. I’ll add a separate comment that may sum things up better….

      Thank you for the support and for being a part of my community. Especially with your sister being so ill….

      –Laurel

      Reply

  4. speccy
    Dec 05, 2012 @ 12:41:49

    Wow. This is so very powerful. Very warm wishes for your recovery

    Reply

  5. lahgitana
    Dec 05, 2012 @ 13:34:20

    Details behind the post:

    I’m tired from being strong day after day… from discovering that my recovery is going backwards… from not knowing what to do to get my life back…. from trying to wait to accept that my life has profoundly changed, but the changes are not done yet…. from dancing with a moving target…. especially that last one….

    Reply

  6. heretherebespiders
    Dec 05, 2012 @ 14:19:11

    Sorry, my dear. wish i could help.
    I made you a present.

    Reply

  7. Wazeau
    Dec 05, 2012 @ 18:29:42

    hugs :(

    Reply

  8. Pamela Goode
    Dec 05, 2012 @ 22:16:11

    Dancing with a moving target — a hard one for sure. Stop the “strong” part and just be. Wallow and cry, and balance it out with the people who make you laugh. Rest and dream, but don’t let go. xx

    Reply

    • lahgitana
      Dec 06, 2012 @ 07:30:09

      Yes, I came to that yesterday. Whatthehell was I being so damn strong for?! I’m horrible at wallowing, but I will now give that a try. At least it’s new! And closer to the ground.

      Yesterday, too, I decided to be knocked down without actually having to fall apart.

      Sometimes I’m not very good at ducking, but I plan to duck for a while. Quack quack quack.

      I love that–rest and dream, but don’t let go. Thank you for being here, Pam. I have been paralyzed by pain, but really needed to be right here, in my truth with people who DO make me laugh, and who care. Kinda simple, huh?

      Reply

  9. FeyGirl
    Dec 06, 2012 @ 04:20:37

    sending ♥✿♥ with a little ☼ your way…

    Reply

  10. Dianda
    Dec 07, 2012 @ 12:08:07

    I hope you’re okay!

    Reply

  11. 10000hourstobe
    Dec 08, 2012 @ 22:18:58

    I love the reminder from the person above, not to let go. I am so sorry you are in the shadows right now. Not knowing what to do, or how long this will last. As I read the other comments I can feel the miracle of hugs and love coming your way through the atmosphere. Here’s another one…

    Reply

  12. IsobelandCat
    Dec 10, 2012 @ 01:46:17

    Oh Laurel, I missed this. So sorry.

    Reply

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