A Note: personal responsibility v. full disclosure

A few minutes after posting this morning’s economic- and medical-machine diatribe, I was standing in the shower, hearing my own (writing) voice being outraged at the medical community.  I had the sudden concern that what I say is not complete:

It may sound like “Waa-wah-wah, they were mean to me.”

In the background is a person who takes personal responsibility in this world very seriously.  I try hard to be well-informed.  That is the outrage I express:  despite trying to come to the table well-prepared, I often discover that there was too much undisclosed, so I could not make an informed decision no matter my preparation.

In some situations, voluntary disclosure should be de rigeur:  we don’t know the questions to ask or even that there could be questions.  The other guys know because it is their business to know.  (How in hell would I know the after-effects of septic shock?!)

Reminds me of getting ready to sign the mortgage papers 4+ years ago–I worked HARD to understand what it was I would be signing, asked question after question until I understood.  Then the lender brought new papers to the signing.  Apparently, that’s business as usual.

Yep, I’m idealistic and have a well of hope about fair play that just won’t end.  Isn’t this how we make the world a better place?

It’s tiring being a grown-up.  No wonder I want to pull up the sidewalks on my corner of Life and shut out all the noise.

That is all.


21 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. sweetdaysundertheoaks
    Oct 05, 2012 @ 16:38:25

    I need to shut out all the noise all the time!


  2. minlit
    Oct 06, 2012 @ 02:50:33

    In the words of Bart Simpson, You’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t.
    In the words of me, You worry, you die; you don’t worry, you still die.
    Though, that’s a chirpier outlook than it sounds…..Cos I just use is as justification for my inability to worry :)


    • lahgitana
      Oct 06, 2012 @ 07:14:53

      My parents used to say that “damned if you…”. So Ms Smarty, who said it before Bart?! Prolly Will Shakespeare, talking about killing someone… or not! >:-D

      LOVE the second sentiment, D! That has been one of my Zen-ification moments–and it does bring on a weirdly happy, chirpy even, mien!



    • lahgitana
      Oct 08, 2012 @ 15:05:09

      AND you’re damned if you do and damned if you do!


  3. ~ Ivy ~ (@ivyft)
    Oct 07, 2012 @ 13:06:32

    I understand you. Really do. Maybe it’s time, however, to forget what was not the ideal delivery of information (there’s not much you can do to change that) and just focus on the fact that NOW you have all the info. And go from there. Sorry, couldn’t find anything brighter to say to you…


    • lahgitana
      Oct 07, 2012 @ 14:01:41

      Ivy, that is where I am now, the getting on with my own path. Had to rant, however. One of the commenters here sometimes calls me the spokesperson about medicine in our culture. >:-D

      I feel chagrin, knowing I was indeed whining. I’ve been on my path, following the sepsis, struggling as my brain returned to the building. Too, I’d started the gettin’-off-the-drugs over a month ago… !! It is time to quit addressing this disappointment. It’s nobody’s fault; it was the package I was handed and I want to live a good life.

      And, I thank you for your gentle straightforwardness. It’s so very nice to have you here!


      • ~ Ivy ~ (@ivyft)
        Oct 07, 2012 @ 14:15:02

        The whining is part of the process, dear Laurel! :-D
        And that is ok. Very ok. Really.

        I’m relieved I didn’t annoy you with my comment, I apologize once again.
        And I have to say that my heart is filled with joy when I read that you accept the package and decide that you want to live a good life. Yes! The decision is the beginning of everything. That’s the moment when you take your power back from those bastards! I’m happy to be here and be witness to that!!


  4. lahgitana
    Oct 08, 2012 @ 08:06:43

    Definitely NOT an annoyance, Ivy. Courageous, really.

    Last night I was telling Big Mister about some of the tough stuff for me. He shoved me outta bed and told me to go read your response! He was right–it made me happy! You called them bastards! hahahahahah! Thank you for that! hahahahahaha

    After my first response I did indeed go out and play in the studio. I did, however, keep wondering why I had felt so uncomfortable writing in the voice of “Waah, they were mean to me.”

    The answer arrived and it turns out it was hiding *behind* the whine. (I’m pretty sure I don’t spend much time whining about anything, but I can’t figure that out right now.)

    I have indeed moved far away from the fury of being hung out to dry by folks who should have known better (occasional moments only of rage).

    I am left with: the heavy awareness that I’m on a solo journey with no road map, and even if I *were* to see a medical person, that person could not measure or explain or reassure. All of that has to come from me. I am indeed twisting in the wind and *I* have to find ways to keep from turning myself into a ribbon-bound Maypole.

    So, I *thank you* for your comment way up there. You made me think and get square with myself–and being clear with myself is the only way to get on and keep on.

    And, then the conclusion is that I’m NOT alone because look what happened when I once again bared my soul! Ivy, you would not believe me if I told you that I used to be an extremely private person! >:-D


    • ~ Ivy ~ (@ivyft)
      Oct 08, 2012 @ 12:37:51

      You’re very welcome, Laurel! I believe you when you say you used to be extremely private, and I believe you when you say you don’t whine much about anything. You don’t strike me as the ‘whiny’ type. But I think I also identified that you are already in a better place than the one you were writing about… I don’t know, maybe that’s what prompted my original comment. Anyway, you are well on your way now and that’s all that matters! ;-)


  5. nadbugs
    Oct 08, 2012 @ 18:24:40

    Hey Purps — you have got to check this out. I said so over my place but I want to repeat here, in case your Notifications is acting up again. Have you heard of the stand-up comedian Tig Notaro? She makes people laugh — about C. diff. & other stuff if I wrote it all down you wouldn’t believe it. Check her out, baby! Here:



    • lahgitana
      Oct 09, 2012 @ 10:18:49

      Peeps–regarding the link nadbugs left: it IS for everyone!

      A note: best to not have a mouthful of cheerios and bananas when you listen. You’ll either spit ’em out laughing or inhale ’em crying. Bananas up the nose backwards stings!

      (Nadbugs, ya shoulda told me that! I can hear the carefully worded warning in my head right now! hahahahahahaha)


  6. nadbugs
    Oct 08, 2012 @ 18:29:42

    Well — on second thought, after reading a little of the transcript on that link, see if you can listen to the bit, rather than read it. It loses a lot of the effect, in print. The audio is quite amazing. And — just in case it isn’t quite clear from what I wrote — she actually had C. diff. In addition to all the other stuff. Really! If you have time, see if you can make it all the way to the end of the interview, to what Louis CK says about being there. Honestly, I could not imagine how this could actually be funny. I mean, moving, yes, amazing for the courage and heart — but funny?? What he says helps me get it. And then share! I’d love to hear. Drop me an e-mail, yes?


  7. Pamela Goode
    Oct 26, 2012 @ 07:17:20

    So true — it IS tiring being a grownup! I try to go into meetings fairly well-informed, but sometimes the subject (like cancer) is just too big. So I still go in to meetings with my usual list of questions, but now I have a new one: If I knew more about this disease/procedure/medication/document/whatever, what questions would I ask, and what would your answer be? Worth a shot, because we all hate shooting blindly.


    • lahgitana
      Oct 26, 2012 @ 07:42:08

      I’m so very pleased you stopped in, Pamela. That post about your last day of radiation changed the direction of my recovery, as it exists in my head. Rather big stuff, that! This electronic connected world is a wonder.

      I have officially adopted your “new” question–that is a perfect way to get the conversation going; we have a chance of detecting more questions to ask.

      If I get the oomph sometime soon, I’d like to bring that wisdom out of the comments into the blog-post light for many other people to see. With your permission and attribution, of course.

      Very best to you. There are a bunch of very wonderful people who hang out here–they have been supportive beyond words to me. They are artists, lawyers, writers, cat-people, Buddhists, counselors, and creatives; they are funny, wise, tart, honest, and loving. Hilarious, too–did I mention that?! >:-D



      • Pamela Goode
        Oct 26, 2012 @ 07:49:41

        Absolutely Laurel! As the world becomes increasingly complex and universal knowledge eludes our grasp (ha — didn’t I once know absolutely everything????), we have to figure out new ways to get the understanding we need. Post away!


        • lahgitana
          Oct 26, 2012 @ 07:54:58

          Thank you!

          Isn’t that a fascinating juxtaposition: we’re universally connected but universal knowledge eludes us?! Turns out, it’s still about people talking to people!


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