You still have that knife under your pillow, don’t you?

I know a man who, as a child, kept a knife under his pillow because he lived in terror of his violent father.  I think that knife never goes away, does it?  You’ll always be on heightened alert, ready to defend yourself against any danger, real or imagined.  Lunge first, ask questions later or never.

As a young 20-something, I was physically assaulted by the man who claimed to love me–he tried to choke the life out of me.   Classic choking posture:   bend of the arm centered at the voice box to silence me, then the other hand adding leverage to the choking arm.  That was more than 30 years ago and I have not forgotten that emotional realization of being assaulted. (I ran from him and learned that love doesn’t have to hurt.)

That distinct, sure, and instinctive knowledge of can’t-breathe-and-I’m-going-to-die came back hard last year when I choked on a tiny piece of crusty bread and one of My Peeps saved my life with the Heimlich maneuver (please learn this:  Heimlich maneuver).   Thank you, darlin’.

Verbal assaults can hurt the same way:   instead of talking, the person in a fury whips out that always-there ghostly knife and cuts, slashes, and exits, leaving the battered one behind.

We reel from the shock of the assault and from the fear engendered.   Sometimes it can come out of nowhere–knowing someone for 20 years and never having had a reason to feel afraid, and then, a sudden explosion from the one who used to keep a knife under his pillow.

Don’t live in fear.  I did that for a year in a new town, hardly long enough to have a support system, near-destitute, no vehicle in dead of winter north country, but I told someone and she came to me and helped me get away.  It is the better choice to be away from those fearful situations, away from those people who slash and dash.

If you are living in fear, tell someone.   People will help.  Get away from the violence.

This post is for the women, children, and men who suffer assault from their loved ones.

© No Stealing!  That’s what the little c in the circle means!
© lahgitana and Rockin’ the Purple, 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to lahgitana and Rockin’ the Purple with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Sharon
    Aug 24, 2011 @ 21:31:57

    I just can’t believe it! We’ve both surprised each other today. You’re inspiring.


  2. lahgitana
    Aug 25, 2011 @ 07:41:20

    Thank you for saying that. These life experiences remind me to be grateful for just about everything, especially my wonderful husband. It’s an easier place to be, in gratitude, than in fear or anger. I like it!


  3. heretherebespiders
    Nov 19, 2011 @ 12:23:54

    Yay, me, too. Choking as well. I also ran like hell. Didn’t we recover well? :)


    • lahgitana
      Nov 19, 2011 @ 12:51:15

      I’m sorry to hear the first part, and happy to hear the second part!

      The third part is best! Yep, not a damn thing wrong with me. I’m good! Except when the massage therapist touches my neck when I’m not expecting it–a little jumpy.


      • heretherebespiders
        Nov 19, 2011 @ 12:57:15

        I’m totally fine with that. I can’t be around anyone on cocaine, though. He was – not that night, but a lot. People talk oddly in a very distinctive way on it, and if I hear that mush-mouth speech I get PISSED.


        • lahgitana
          Nov 19, 2011 @ 13:07:49

          I am not aware of having been around anyone under the influence of cocaine–sounds horrible. Never understood the allure of the heavy drugs because p-o-t made me paranoid!


  4. Trackback: note to self: beware emotional landmines | Rockin' the Purple!

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