Exhausted

Oxford English Dictionary, 1971.

Exhausted.  “1.  Consumed, used up, expended.  2.  Emptied of contents.”

Living requires internal energy production.  Feeling colorful requires a regenerating internal energy source.

Physical starvation uses up stored energy, then begins to consume living tissue.  Starvation of the self depletes the core, leaving weakness and vulnerability.   So, continuing to live in the exhausted state, we use up our selves.   I wonder sometimes what of the self is consumed when exhaustion has been reached and surpassed.  Do we ever get those parts back?  Do they regenerate?

After that philosophical doo-dah is done, it’s time to face the exhausted state.  It isn’t depression.  It isn’t even despair.  It’s just being done.  Feeling empty.  Going through the motions.

Exhaustion narrows the world experience:  think basics.  Think getting out of bed, eating breakfast, and staring out the window.

Chronic tiredness is different from exhaustion, but it is a stairway to the hell of exhaustion.  Always teetering at the door to those basement stairs, with their spider webs, dust of years, and scary things under the treads.

Chronic tiredness is hell.  If my brain didn’t know how much I was missing, I would be a little more pleasant.  Instead, I rail at the injustice, marvel at the physically demanding and satisfying life I had before this hell, and mourn the losses everyday.

I can’t have friends and have a job simultaneously.  One or the other.   Not enough oomph for both.  Why bother to make friends?

Now, let’s look for a job in this economy, with half-energy days as the springboard.  Here comes despair, except it requires oomph to feel the depths of despair.   So never mind.

© No Stealing!  That’s what the little c in the circle means!
© lahgitana and Rockin’ the Purple, 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to lahgitana and Rockin’ the Purple with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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